Mutual Weirdness
by Constant Variable
Summary: We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
1. Looking For Affinity

**Looking for Affinity**

Some take forever to find their other half. Their soul mate. Their second heart. I've found mine but she's anything but mine. I've found the mountain I need to climb I just need to plant my flag on the top. The journey is going to be long, difficult, not without its share of tumbles and falls and hidden obstacles by the murky, dense clouds.

It's worth it. It's worth the wait, the hurt and the unknown fragility of my heart. I find it incredibly scary how much I care about her and not knowing if she cares about me at all in the same way or the same amount. If she does, I don't think I'll be able to describe the feeling I'll get. But if she doesn't, I'll know that it will be the worst feeling in the entire world. To have someone you care about a great deal tell you they care about you but not in the same way or amount that you do, is, I'm sure an awful feeling.

I don't see how she can say no though. We have so much in common, sure we have differences but more of one than the other. When I think about her, I think of so many things. Things like if she was here right now with me what would we be doing? We'd be walking down the street holding hands. I'd put my arm around her and I would feel joy in every step we took down our path together. I want to hold her close and let her fall asleep in my arms to the sound of my heart beating. It beats her name. To be the first sight when she wakes. Starting the day by looking into the eyes of an angel can't be a bad way to start. To feel her warmth next to me seeping into every pore she touches would bring unparalleled ecstasy and tingles to my heart.

She is my other half, she completes me. Sometimes I feel scattered and de-shelved but she makes me whole again just by talking to me. The hours I spend waiting to hear, see or smell her again seem endless, each hour a day, each minute an hour. Does she know? Does she understand? I go through so much in my mind, the constant thoughts running at me never stop. I have to be with her. You want to be with someone who is everything you are but different, the same but changed.

We have the same taste in music, film, television, food, drink, the same likes and dislikes. But that is what I like not who I am. Who I am is a lover of music, hanging out at the beach with friends, I have a fear of spiders and dentists, I struggle with school work sometimes and my self-confidence, and I have a...unique sense of humour. These are just a few of the personal qualities and hindrances that I have in common with her.

We're two sides of the same coin.

The only thing that is different is her name and appearance.

Our hearts are one and the same.

And that is all that matters.

No path, road, distance, wall, mountain, person alive or dead is going to stop me from being with her.

_I love you Lilly_

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**Authors Note: I'm a first time writer. Any opinions will help.**


	2. The Land of Make Believe

**The Land of Make Believe**

She must. Mustn't she? I think she does. I mean the amount of time we spend together, the easy atmosphere that surrounds us when we talk, stand close or even if she's anywhere in the same room. Surely she feels it too? I wonder if she does? I could ask but what if she says no...what if she says yes...

I'm in a constant state of see-saw. I'm up one moment, I'm down the next. Is that love? I thought love was all highs but it can't be because the expression 'love hurts' wouldn't have arisen. To constantly have someone on your mind and for them to be the overriding feature of your thoughts can be a help and an obstacle. A help for the simple reason that she makes me feel magical but this just further cements my belief that this is all make believe. She doesn't like me like that; she sees our status as just friends and nothing more. Right?

I don't really know exactly when these feelings began but it doesn't matter. That is just a means to an end. The only thing that does matter is her. I desperately want to know if she at all feels the same way. My brain deals with the needs of my life like air, water, food and my heart deals with the wants like a big screen TV, a car and...Lilly's heart. I hate this, I really do. I care too much about her and she's not going to feel the same way. Then I'm going to be left alone, die alone. People will say "Plenty more fish in the sea" but I don't want just any old fish, I'm after my very own mermaid. More make believe. I don't want anyone else.

I've had crushes before. I went through a stage of denial about my feelings for Lilly. Not that I didn't accept them it was more "It's just a crush" thing. It seemed the more I said it, in my mind or even out loud, the less and less I believed that statement. Crushes don't last this long. I've never felt this way before, as predictable as that may sound, it's true. I've never wanted to hold someone so much like I want to with Lilly. With other crushes I've thought of what it would be like if we were a couple and it's the same with Lilly but this time I lie awake at nights thinking about it. I can't stop the thoughts. I have to drive myself to the point of total tiredness before attempting to sleep. I've never wanted to just sit with someone like I want to with Lilly, usually I'm quick to boredom and want to do something different within seconds of silence, but with her I would find holding her hand and whispering sweet nothings into her ear, a simple thing to some, but to me it would send my heart into the realms of enchantment.

She has definitely caught me in her spell. She has the spells and potions to my heart and mind but do I have anything to spellbind her?

I want to know the answer to my question but I don't know if my heart can take it. Either answers actually.

I just want her to let me love her.

But I have to ask the question first.

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**Author's Note: I don't know.**


	3. When The Truth Comes Out

**When The Truth Comes Out**

So okay, I did it. I told her. The response I got was neither of two I thought I would get. I was expecting either a kiss or a hit. A hug or a push away. A look of joy or of horror. A yes or a no. What I actually received was a big fat wall of silence. An unreadable face, I didn't know whether she had actually heard me or not, so I was tempted to say it again to coax some sort of answer, well actually any noise would have done, out of her. But I had a feeling she had heard me and was just letting it sink in? Or maybe she knows her answer but doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

It is so scary caring about a person not knowing if they care about you in the same way. To constantly have them on your mind. Wanting to be with them. Then to finally build up enough courage to ask, grabbing the bull by the horns, and just telling them how you feel, it deserves some sort of recognition by the person you're telling. As to open your heart to the person who could either destroy it or send it on a high is so very risky. Why do you think we have cage surrounding it? Some person, in my case Lilly, have the key, which means you know you're going to tell them eventually. Why didn't she answer? I don't get this 'I need time to think' either you know or you don't. When it comes to matters of the heart, we have two beats therefore only two answers; Yes or No.

So now I have to wait, constantly waiting. What's a little more waiting? Been doing it for the past few months, so what's a little more? Stretch it. Stretch my heart that little bit further. She truly doesn't know just how much I care about her, does she? But what difference would it make if she did? I could tell her everything about how she makes me feel but if she doesn't feel the same way, me telling her everything will just let her know how much she is going to hurt me and as much as that heart breaking 'No' would be, I still wouldn't want her feeling bad or guilty towards me. As a sad or upset Lilly brings me further down.

I know it's naive to think she is the only one for me but what if she is the only one I want? What if we could be really really great together? Like an amazing couple, who just fit, just go together, who are just fantastically awesomely brilliant together? That could be us. Why not? We work so well together now, why not romantically? She should give a chance, please give it a chance.

There's nothing more I can do now.

Except wait.

My heart is in your hands Lilly.

Please be careful with it.

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**Author's Note: Sorry it's been so long since last update. Stuff happens. Reviews would be greatly appreciated.**


	4. Wasn't The One

**Wasn't The One**

I lay awake with thoughts bombarding my mind. I can't sleep most nights the visions are too vivid, too real. I try to shut out the words, actions and events that have happened but it makes the pictures all the more louder and clearer. It's not a case of wanting what I can't have but wanting what I need. It's naive of me to think she's the only one for me but she's the only one I want. I cry for a lost love, chance and the sad thing is she knew and quietly said no. It was loud enough for my heart though. She stepped out of my heart with ease since there was nothing holding her to me, smashing it to pieces as she slammed the final nail into my heart shaped coffin.

Does he understand his luck? Does he know what he's got? Who he's caught? I'm sure Oliver does but I would all the more. How can I say that? I'm bias, of I course I'm going to say that.

But you're happy with him. That's all I want for you, to be happy. It doesn't matter about me I'll find someone else out there, plenty more unattainable, out of reach stars in the sky. It's just...you're the brightest. It was foolish of me to fall for you but I couldn't stop myself and I didn't want to either. I wasn't forced or pushed but led by an invisible energy that coated the world in a rose tinted view, all because of you.

The prettiest diamond or the most stunning rose can't compare to you even on your worst day. Whenever we're at school you think I'm looking at guys walking by but that's only because I'm looking away from you. What you don't know is when you're distracted, I turn back to you. Your blue eyes entice me. Your blonde hair fascinates me, it looks soft, silk like. I would love nothing more than to run my fingers through it while you rest your head on my lap on warm summer's day. I want to hold your hand just because my fingers are lonely. I would spend every day and night telling you how much I love you and why. I could list a thousand things about you but the object that will forever be at the top of that list is the only thing I can never hold, your heart.

It does not belong to me, never did, never will. But mine is forever yours, even though you don't know that it is despite everything that has happen. The bits of my heart that were smashed into pieces still reform and shape to your name. And if that imaginative day should ever come when you exchange your heart for mine, I will never let it go or let it come to any harm. I shall protect, cherish and love the trust you will have bestowed upon me.

I will have to wait for that day, the day your heart beats with my name.

I only ever wanted to love you.

But my love wasn't the one you wanted. It wasn't the one that was going to make you happy.

I'll still wait. Wait for the day I get to show how much you mean to me.

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**Author's Note: Obviously my last update wasn't good enough, as it only generated one review. I apologise. Hopefully this one was better.**


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